Some spoilers ahead, but don't bother watching this movie. If you're the type that enjoys self-abuse however, skip this post and go watch it now, then come back.
1) The title. Obnoxious. Seveneventy Fiveive is not a good name for a movie.
2) The cast. Two overly black black guys, an overly black fat white guy (yeah you read that right), no significant survivor girl, no sympathy for any of the characters. Oh and Rutger Hauer with a mismatched partner. This isn't a buddy-cop movie, he should've been solo.
3) The dialogue. A few lines made me laugh, I'll admit it, but overall just plain poor. I didn't believe any of the characters had met each other before the night on which the movie takes place. +5 pts to me for grammar.
4) The kills. Worst kills I've seen since I can remember. Stepping on a guys neck for a few seconds with no discernible pressure, then blood oozes out of his mouth? Punching a guy a few times? Come on. Two head choppings? I know there's only so much you can do with an axe but jeez.
5) The gore. Just bad. Did the two chopped-off-head guys not have spines? A slightly red line across the throat to signify a slashing? I almost missed that one actually, I couldn't figure out how they knew he was dead for a second. The blood spatter made no sense in any of the kills. It was gratuitous in one scene and completely lacking in the next.
6) The killers. I called the two-killer situation about halfway through the movie.. I couldn't even tell you why, just a feeling I had. Beyond that, making the main killer a random guy from an asylum we don't even find out about until the exposition scene? And then killing him immediately? Christ. It's like they read what people don't like to see in a killer and then used every scrap of info they could.
7) The ending. As above with regard to the killer and all the exposition taking place at the end. This is what's wrong with 90% of group of friends horror flicks, the killer's motivation isn't revealed until the end. Until then it's just a bunch of people that you don't care about being killed by someone you don't know for a reason that has yet to be revealed. The setting up overly black black guy #2 to be shot was different, which was nice, but I'm not sure an escaped mental patient (literally) would have the brains to think that up in the span of ten seconds. And the "surprise" ending of the asylum guy coming back.. both our killers are still alive guys! Let's hope for a sequel!
8) Boobs. One quick shot of a non-main character's fake boobies. Thumbs down.
9) The little things. So I guess that random caller that wanted their address was the pizza guy? Even though they already had pizza? Our secondary killer was at the damn party so he sure didn't call to find out where it was. The sleazy jerking off guy, just not necessary. Was it just me or did guy from the asylum fly at one point? I didn't even understand what was going on there, I watched the scene 4 times. The entire gas station sequence; the creepy-but-has-a-warning attendant, random kid, gross bathroom. All unnecessary. That random newscast at the gas station, I sincerely hope those were friends of the director. If not those actors should take up farming or something that doesn't require them to speak.
I was going to go for a marathon movie session and try to knock out 4 or 5 of the movies on the to-watch list, but after this, I couldn't continue. Magic Johnson you should be ashamed of yourself.
January 2, 2008
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